Train the Boy
by Calantha42
Summary: A vignette about Obi-Wan and Anakin, shortly after the events of TPM.


Train the Boy

by Kalantha 

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A vignette about Obi-Wan and Anakin, shortly after the events of TPM.

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Obi-Wan could not sleep.

He had stared at the shadows on his wall for hours, possibly the entire night. At some point, he had lost track of the time. Frustration was setting in - his mind was rambling and racing. Too much to think about when he needed to sleep.

One week ago, he had been a senior Padawan, with all the standard worries and responsibilities of his peers. That was his role, he had _understood_ that. Certainly, he had been on the verge of mastering the role of apprentice.

Barely one day later, his Master was dead. Killed by a hellish creature that Obi-Wan had thought to only exist in ancient history and overactive imaginations. He had faced the sith himself - barely escaping his master's fate. Before he knew it, he was no longer a student.

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"Train the boy"

The three words rang through his head incessantly. The last words of his master, whom he loved dearly. What was he supposed to say? I'm not ready - I don't understand this job - I simply cannot -

"Yes Master."

Those words came naturally. It was all he could do to comfort and honour his master in those last moments. With his fallen mentor still in his arms, Obi-Wan's mind had barely grasped the promise he had given. In those few moments afterwards, Obi-Wan did something he had not done since he was a little boy. He wept.

Tossing between dream, consciousness and memory, he seemed to still be able to hear the quiet sobs…wait. He was not dreaming.

Obi-Wan immediately became alert. Someone _was_ crying, and it wasn't himself. It was Anakin, in the other room. 

"Train the boy."

Obi-Wan quietly slipped out of his room and across the narrow hall to Anakin's room. The entire trip was disorienting, leaving the Master's room, to seek out the learner. Only a week ago, he had been the one needing to be taught.

Pausing at the threshold of the door, Obi-Wan suddenly felt an irrational urge to run in the opposite direction. He called to the force, and remembered the last plea of his master. He would walk through the door and help the frightened child.

"Anakin?" He said softly. The sobs suddenly became muffled, and in the shadows, Obi-Wan could see the boy had buried his head in the pillows. Suddenly, Obi-Wan felt awkward. What was he to do? It suddenly seemed completely absurd that somehow he would be able to help the distressed child. He still felt like a child himself.

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"Train the boy."

Qui-Gon had implored this of him. He seemed to see something special with Anakin, something that Obi-Wan was only beginning to comprehend. His master had also believed that Obi-Wan was capable of being the one to raise Anakin. 

Without further words, Obi-wan sat down on the edge of the boy's bed. Perhaps he should speak again. Maybe Anakin would initiate conversation - he was always more than talkative during the day. Then again, maybe not. Why would Anakin trust a young man he barely knew with his pain and tears. Obi-Wan knew that were their positions reversed, he wouldn't.

They had only known each other for a week. 

The muffled cries slowed, then ceased. Still, Obi-Wan could feel that Anakin was awake, his emotions every bit as tumultuous as before. Was simply being there the right thing for him to do? Maybe he was annoying Anakin - perhaps he wanted privacy.

Obi-Wan felt like crying in frustration himself. Again, _"Train the boy." _

What would his master have done? What would Anakin's mother have done? Obi-Wan realised that it didn't matter. Anakin trusted them both. This was different, he and Anakin were essentially strangers. Obi-Wan knew he was not naturally a cosy person, and in retrospect, he had been quite distant this last week. In all the change and adjustment, he had not even noticed. 

The first step would be to make himself accessible, he decided.

"If you would like, you can tell me what is upsetting you." 

Silence. He tried again, "Sometimes, just having another to listen will help."

Anakin turned his head, so that his face was no longer buried in his bedding. In the faint light, Obi-Wan could see flushed cheeks, and red-rimmed eyes. The sight both broke his heart and terrified him. What should he do?

"That's what my mom would always tell me."

Unsure how to respond, Obi-Wan attempted an encouraging smile.

It must have been enough, because Anakin continued speaking. "Sometimes, if I had a bad dream she would come in, and listen, and stay with me. Sometimes until the suns rose."

He stopped for a second, then choked back a sob. "I miss her so much!"

Unsure how to respond, Obi-Wan let the boy cry for a few moments. They both kept their gazes down, looking at the unremarkable dark coloured blanket on Anakin's bed. Obi-Wan had never noticed how some of the threads were coming unravelled around the corner. 

"Maybe I shouldn't have come here." 

Obi-Wan looked up. Anakin's voice sounded small, frightened. It took him a moment to realize it was his cue to offer comfort. "It was the will of the force that you come to the Jedi temple. There is a reason you are here, even if it makes you-" It took a moment to think of the proper word, "…saddened."

Anakin's teary eyes met Obi-Wan's. "No, I don't think so."

"Why not?" He had not been expecting such a statement.

Anakin's gaze wandered back to the worn blanket. "I heard you, when we were getting on that ship and you were talking to Qui-Gon."

When was that? Obi-Wan tried to place the scene Anakin was referring to and - no. Surely he hadn't overhead _that_ conversation - the one he'd had with Qui-Gon as they boarded the ship to return to Naboo. He had made sure the boy was trailing a fair ways behind.

"Yes?" He warily encouraged.

"You said I was dangerous. You didn't want me to be trained and you defiantly didn't want me as a Padawan learner."

So he _had_ heard. Obi-Wan's face burned with shame, and he was grateful for the dim illumination in the room. Anakin's accusation stung, but they were true. He had said those things, and he had been sincere. It was not his initial wish for Anakin to be accepted to the temple. He had felt undeniable risk in this boys future.

Initially, some of this hostility had been due to jealousy. He could admit to that. But that had been a knee jerk reaction, one which he knew was petty and unfair. No, when that conversation with Qui-Gon had occurred, he had felt real concern. It was not his emotions pleading for him to object - it had been the force.

His anxiety and doubts burst forward, like a spring uncoiled. He could not explain this to Anakin - what was he to say? It was all true. He didn't want Anakin as his Padawan - he was essentially still a Padawan himself. And undeniably, Obi-Wan could feel the danger simply radiating from the boy's future.

So why then, was he sitting on the edge of a bed in the dark, trying to console Anakin Skywalker, his apprentice?

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"Train the boy"

He would do his best to explain things. He grasped for words to express what his reasoning had been.

"Obi-Wan?"

He looked straight at Anakin, carefully planning the words in his head. He must be honest - there was no other way to build a stable bond between them. 

"You're right Anakin, in the beginning I _did_ think you were dangerous."

Anakin's eyes widened perceptibly. He had not anticipated such a blunt answer. Had he been expecting a lie or an evasion from the question? They were truly strangers then, for Obi-Wan knew that however he felt towards the boy, he would not lie to him.

"I can sense the force burning brightly within you - that's what Qui-Gon saw as well. But unlike my master, I don't limit my perceptions and judgments solely on the present." 

Anakin looked slightly confused, making an honest effort to understand. Obi-Wan struggled for a moment, trying to piece together an explanation for the reasoning behind his initial judgment. He had contented that the boy was dangerous - did he still believe that? 

"By training you - it's like…giving a little child a very dangerous object - one which could easily be used for hurting others. The force has given you - it's given all of the Jedi- an enormous amount of power. With proper training, we can use the force for the betterment of the galaxy. However, the force can be as destructive as it is beneficial. Just like the dangerous object - in the wrong hands the object would be harmful."

The analogy seemed to make sense to the boy, whose expression was contemplative. "How does this make me dangerous?" 

"With a connection to the force as strong as yours, you are very high up. The higher up an object, the further it can fall. You could do much harm if you were to fall, Anakin. Right now, you're very much like the child, with an enormous amount of power in your hands. You must learn to properly understand your emotions, and deal with them so that they won't control you. Fear and anger will cause you to fall to the dark side."

Silence. Obi-Wan hoped this was helping. He didn't really remember being nine years old - besides, Jedi philosophy was as familiar to him as brushing his teeth. 

Without warning, Anakin broke into another round of sobs, this time quieter, but far more weary and desperate. Obi-Wan subconsciously moved away from Anakin, towards the edge of the bed. Panic and doubts resurfaced and bloomed larger and more potent than before. What had gone wrong? 

The tears - they were more than he could handle. Anakin's sorrow and fears pulsated from his, like a thick and inescapable aura. Obi-Wan desperately wanted to help, to relieve the boy. He was the master, but right now more than anything, he wanted his own guardian to comfort his worries and guide him through. 

But of course, he was no longer an apprentice. The thought sent him into a despair much like Anakin's - though he kept his expression composed. All that he had now was the memory of his master. His last words-

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"Train the boy." 

Obi-Wan wondered briefly if that one phrase was truly as damning as it felt to him.

His gaze fell again on the tattered blanket. What should he do? Was there anything he could do? He knew he was not equal to the task at hand. Closing his eyes, Obi-Wan willed his panicked emotions out from his mind and into the force. It was all he had now. 

As always, the soft glow of the force, meandering and flowing like water, was just within his reach. Anakin's sobs grew quieter - though Obi-Wan wasn't sure if it was because the boy was stopping, or if he simply could no longer hear them.

More quickly than he expected, he arrived at the point were the narrow experience of his physical senses ceased to be his only guide. Instead, he could feel the force penetrate every last particle in his body, quietly whispering. 

He glanced to the future, but to his dismay, the force was silent, stagnant, shadowed. This was what he had initially seen - something undefined, not yet known. Or maybe it was simply hidden. Clouded, Master Yoda had said. 

This was no help. The force would not enlighten him. He didn't know what to do. Still, the warmth and softness of the force kept him from despairing. Instead, he felt his questions and fears run from him, trickling away like water.

Perhaps he had been right - The boy should not be trained. Especially by him. Why had his master asked this of him? He couldn't do it. What had Qui-Gon seen? Why did he believe in Anakin? Why did he have faith in Obi-Wan to be the one to train the boy?

The force swelled around him in an intense crescendo. He heard a voice - it was his Master! As clear as if he had been standing right next to him. "Keep you focus on the here and now, Obi-Wan. The future will take care of itself."

Without thought, Obi-Wan answered, "Yes Master."

"What?"

Anakin's voice brought Obi-Wan back to the darkened room. Obi-Wan felt somewhat dazed from his rapid return, like he didn't quite fit. Pushing that feeling to edge of his mind, he looked at Anakin, whose face was still stained in very fresh tears.

"I was just thinking aloud," Obi-Wan explained. 

"About Qui-Gon?" 

Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile. "Yes."

Anakin sighed. "I miss him too. I wish he was here - I wish he never…" 

Feeling his own eyes become wet, Obi-Wan refused to cry. He was supposed to be the pillar now, for Anakin, his apprentice, to depend on. Nevertheless, he felt a subtle prompting to convey his own emotions with the boy. 

"I feel that way too. I imagine - I imagine the way I miss Qui-Gon is very much like how you miss your mother."

Anakin nodded. "It hurts, like the whole galaxy is falling down and crushing you. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm so scared to be without her, and I don't know what to do."

They sat in a silence, both just recognizing how alike they really were. Obi-Wan found it somewhat comforting that perhaps he wasn't quite as isolated as he had originally thought. Although there was little logic in the reasoning (why would another despairing soul be of some benefit?) somehow, knowing that he and Anakin shared some connection -any kind of link- was comforting. 

They were both unexpectedly uprooted, and left wandering and alone. It was good to know he had found a companion to be confused and alone with.

Obi-Wan spoke again. "I'm sorry I made you cry. Did I say something upsetting?" 

Anakin looked down at the blanket again and gave a sort of half smile. "Oh - yeah, kinda. I just - well, what you explained makes sense but…it means I was right. I shouldn't be here. I _am_ dangerous." His voice trembled as he finished, "I'm sorry I'm in your way. I'm sorry for being a pest - I don't want you to not like me."

That wasn't what Obi-Wan had intended to say. Glancing at the sniffling child he cursed his complete lack of skills and knowledge. Somehow - with a lot of help, he would train Anakin to kinghood - but right now that goal looked very far away. At least now, he had some added insight. He might as well share.

"Anakin, what I told you, about falling and causing harm - that's only a _possibility_. The fact is, every Jedi has the potential to be dangerous and harmful."

"Then why does anyone get to learn about the force?" Anakin countered.

"Good question. The answer is, because it's worth it. Look at all the good the Jedi accomplish - good works that can only be accomplished with the guidance and aid of the force. Every Jedi has the ability to _choose_ to use their power properly. No one is born with an unyielding path towards the dark side or the light side. It's a choice.

Anakin, you deserve to be shown was is light and what is dark. Then, once you are an adult and accountable for yourself, you will choose how to use that knowledge. However, right now, you deserve to have a chance to make good choices. The future will take care of itself for now. My job is to show what is right and what is wrong - even if there's the possibility you might choose wrong in the future."

Anakin's brows were furrowed, as he seemed to review what he's been told. "I think I understand. So, I'm only dangerous if I choose to be?"

Obi-Wan's heart sighed in relief, and his face broke into a smile. So he'd made some sense. "Exactly."

With unexpected speed, Anakin's face morphed back into anxiety. "But, you still don't want me here. My mom is so far away and Master Qui-Gon is gone -"

"No, Anakin." Obi-Wan interrupted. "I may not have found you myself, but Qui-Gon did, and he had faith in you. I trust my Master completely - and if he believes in you, I do too. It is my pleasure to carry on what he's unable to finish. I'm honoured to train you." 

Not to mention terrified and completely unqualified. 

Except for the last mental amendment, Obi-Wan had been entirely sincere in his words to Anakin. And it was certainly all that Anakin needed to know - Obi-Wan's own fears were not meant to burden a young apprentice. He would find help elsewhere - the force, other Masters - the memory of his own Master.

Anakin pulled the fraying blanket over his body, and flopped back onto his mattress. He gave a dramatic sigh, and then turned his head to face Obi-Wan, who was getting up to leave.

"Thanks," he called.

Obi-Wan felt something - a bit of triumph, or relief, or maybe both. "I'm glad we could talk. I'll see you in the morning, Padawan."

Padawan. That was the first time he had directly called Anakin that. It felt right.

Pausing briefly before he left the room, Obi-Wan glanced at the child curled up deeply in his tattered old blanket. It was strange that something so unassuming - like a small boy - could be so fragile and powerful all at the same time. 

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"Train the boy." 

Obi-Wan finally felt he could properly reply - not by habit or because of duty, but because he had come to his own decision. Training Anakin was the right thing to do, even if the future was clouded. The unknown was not be feared, but to be brought into light. Time would pass, and the future would unfold - but Obi-Wan felt that he had the answer for the moment.

"Yes Master," he whispered.

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A/N: All right, I hope you enjoyed that - it's my first SW fanfic. Please (not that you need the reminder) leave a review. I really appreciate feedback - in any form, constructive criticism especially.


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